Haven’t had the chance to write much recently because of everything that’s been going on. Work has been the same but there are tons of things going through my mind for the past few weeks. I think I’ve been feeling a little down lately because I’m almost giving up on my work. Somehow, the work just doesn’t do it for me anymore.

Maybe the problem with me is I’ve always judged my success by my own yardsticks, by the number of milestones that I’ve set for myself. I am not proud of that. It shows a great weakness for vanity and self-conscious. And I am sick of running from that. I work extremely hard, and it’s time I work for what I really want.

Thinking about the last couple of years it amazes me that I’ve pushed so hard for something I wasn’t even sure of. People who knows me tells me that I’ve always been someone who set goals and chase for it. I gave my best and but irony sets in when I thought I knew what I wanted for my work, it turns out that I’m just a lost traveler who lost passion, vision and balance through the journey.

Perhaps the biggest consolation is that through the last 3 years I’ve managed to figure out what I want for myself, and I finally feel like I have more guts than I thought. But before I’m going to say “I tried it, but I don’t like it, and that’s ok”, I’m going to give myself one more chance to make things right at my workplace. Maybe I should stand on the sidelines watching, get the right people in and maybe reconcile how my personality and strength will fit, where my career goals will really be, and how work is going to make my life more meaningful.